Gracias Dios

There have been times in my life that I couldn't leave part of Seattle for fear of running out of what I needed to be okay. The same could be said of Atlanta. My view was an amazingly small pinprick in the crook of the arm of what was possible. I knew there was more out there, but it was not for me. Through amazing powers of self deception I led myself to believe that more was neither possible nor desirable. Though this mechanism brought survival it was incredible in it's power of limitation. There actually is a lot more to it than that, but that is for another time.

Years later there was a time when I spent days without the strength or inclination to roll over. I was aware of the tubes and machines and loved ones around me but I had neither the physical strength nor desire to move. That latter was also a mechanism of survival. This one was based on trauma, not lies. There is more to this story too, but that is also for another time.

Yesterday I swam, tomorrow I will either run or ride. Sunday I will run a half-marathon, which is smaller than some current training runs.

I can whine, I can begrudge, I can worry about the real and perceived, but I would truly be a fucking moron to not be grateful.