Today I went for a 40 mile bike ride in amazingly shitty weather. I love things like that when they are over. Back to shitty experience that had good sides after the fact .......
I really don't recall deciding that I was going to go from a totally incapacitated, at death's door state to running a marathon in a matter of months. It was more of a matter of hating the state of helplessness. It was really just not something that I could tolerate and increasing my ability to move was the only way out that I could see. I started gradually by slowly riding an exercise bike and weight training with 5 lb weights or no weight at all. I just kept increasing. I initially just showed up in my basement and did this. At some point it escalated from this to really slow, short jogs. This gradually increased to running. I wish I could convey some amazing motivating mindset that propelled my through this initial phase, but there wasn't one. The amazing lack of energy and high and low blood sugar spikes as I learned to be insulin dependent was difficult, but something made me keep moving. I do think that inadvertently the diabetes helped, because this felt like the only control over my body I had. I guess that it the insight to my motivation. I abhor lack of control and this was it for me. Yes a need for control and a chronic disease were my inspirations to fight my way back to health. I am grateful to take what I can get even if it isn't necessarily attractive or heart warming.
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