I am back from my first triathlon of the year and a 2+ month blogging hiatus. I haven't stopped, I just spend a huge amount of time on the activity, so I just don't feel like writing about it.
Here are my stats from Onionman:
Total Time Swim Transition Bike Transition Run
3:05:10 0:41:19 4:01 1:24:01 1:34 0:54:15
These are not what I hoped, but I do have a story.
For some mysterious reason I completely freaked as soon as the race began. In the two events I did last year I expected to be a bit bothered by the pummelling madness of hundreds crashing into the water and swimming at once, but I wasn't. For some reason yesterday the same activity turned my into an irrational hyperventilating mess. I did have a new wetsuit and I did have a bit of weirdness around diabetes care (I forgot a lancet so I had to use an old safety pin out of Emily's shoe to poke) but I have always broken the 'nothing new on race day' rule. This was just an out of the blue loss of clear thinking. Actually it was more visceral than a problem of thinking. My brain was telling me that my reaction was stupid and there was obviously nothing to be terrified about, but everything in my respiratory system begged to differ. I would try to stick my head in and swim, but I could barely swim a stroke and my head would come out of the water with a wheezing inhalation. Of course, as this was happening I was being run into by what felt like thousands of angry dolphins. I just looked at the pictures and was amazed at how uncrowded it really was. This pattern of stop, start, attempt to swim, gain a few yards via doggy paddle went on for about the first 400 yards of the 1500 yard swim. By that point I didn't have to be concerned with the army of pummeling swimmers, because there were so few around my anymore. Finally, at some mysterious point, I was able to actually swim. Luckily, I didn't think too much about the people in row boats along the route who would have rescued me instantly if I have signalled. I'm not sure if it was pride or fear or perseverance, but one of those kept me in self propulsion. It may have been light years from ideal, but it always remained self propulsion.
I never quite felt right the rest of the event. Through both the bike and the run I had a bit of a squeezed chest sensation. I never quite stopped gasping for breath until I crossed the finish line. But I did cross the finish line. This is what training does. Mentally I fell apart, but training kept my on autopilot enough that my emotional malfunction was not enough to derail.
The best I felt was at the end. I have to thank Barb Fox, who beat me last year, for making (yes making) me sprint to catch her the last 1/2 mile. Finally at that point I went from fixating on how much I thought the experience sucked to how much I love doing this.
Here is what makes my happy. I completely lost reason and the apparent ability to do something that I have been completely unable to do the vast majority of my life and did not stop. I was able to recover and finish. It did not look how I wanted and it was not my exact desired outcome, but I did not stop.
Here are my times again.
Total Time Swim Transition Bike Transition Run
3:05:10 0:41:19 4:01 1:24:01 1:34 0:54:15
Here are my times at the exact same race last year.
Total Time Swim Transition Bike Transition Run
3:16:20 0:40:19 6:15 1:29:35 2:05 0:58:05
I presented myself with a catastrophically shitty start and I progressed. This is love.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Zero to Marathon - Part Two
Today I went for a 40 mile bike ride in amazingly shitty weather. I love things like that when they are over. Back to shitty experience that had good sides after the fact .......
I really don't recall deciding that I was going to go from a totally incapacitated, at death's door state to running a marathon in a matter of months. It was more of a matter of hating the state of helplessness. It was really just not something that I could tolerate and increasing my ability to move was the only way out that I could see. I started gradually by slowly riding an exercise bike and weight training with 5 lb weights or no weight at all. I just kept increasing. I initially just showed up in my basement and did this. At some point it escalated from this to really slow, short jogs. This gradually increased to running. I wish I could convey some amazing motivating mindset that propelled my through this initial phase, but there wasn't one. The amazing lack of energy and high and low blood sugar spikes as I learned to be insulin dependent was difficult, but something made me keep moving. I do think that inadvertently the diabetes helped, because this felt like the only control over my body I had. I guess that it the insight to my motivation. I abhor lack of control and this was it for me. Yes a need for control and a chronic disease were my inspirations to fight my way back to health. I am grateful to take what I can get even if it isn't necessarily attractive or heart warming.
I really don't recall deciding that I was going to go from a totally incapacitated, at death's door state to running a marathon in a matter of months. It was more of a matter of hating the state of helplessness. It was really just not something that I could tolerate and increasing my ability to move was the only way out that I could see. I started gradually by slowly riding an exercise bike and weight training with 5 lb weights or no weight at all. I just kept increasing. I initially just showed up in my basement and did this. At some point it escalated from this to really slow, short jogs. This gradually increased to running. I wish I could convey some amazing motivating mindset that propelled my through this initial phase, but there wasn't one. The amazing lack of energy and high and low blood sugar spikes as I learned to be insulin dependent was difficult, but something made me keep moving. I do think that inadvertently the diabetes helped, because this felt like the only control over my body I had. I guess that it the insight to my motivation. I abhor lack of control and this was it for me. Yes a need for control and a chronic disease were my inspirations to fight my way back to health. I am grateful to take what I can get even if it isn't necessarily attractive or heart warming.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Zero to Marathon - Part One
Yesterday I used restraint and ran only 10 miles. This was my 'getting back into running' post marathon workout. I love that this is the point that I am at now and I have thought of where I was four years ago.
At that point I had run a few marathons and my lifestyle was drastically less harmful than it had been in my 20s. The worst thing I had going was on and off bouts with cigarettes, though not ideal, a huge improvement. My health was very good except for hepatitis C. Though this was asymptomatic, I wanted it gone, so I embarked on the only know remedy of interferon and ribovirin.
This treatment has pretty horrendous side effects and only has about a 45 percent success rate for those with the genotype that I have. I was 11 weeks into the 48 week course of treatment when I was hospitalized with very serious and initially unclear complications. I had already lost a lot of weight and was generally constantly nauseous from the normal side effects, but I really couldn't begin to count the times I threw up the last few days before I went into the hospital. The only thing I had any desire to ingest was orange juice, which I would later find out was potentially the worse thing I could take in.
Initially I was admitted because of dehydration and my memory is relatively fuzzy from that point. Test revealed that I had pancreatitis and that levels in my blood where wildly off and I was moved to intensive care. My pH balance was far enough that they used the phrase "incompatible with life" a number of times to describe my general state of bodily fluids. Another thing that was discovered that my blood glucose levels were initial unmeasureable, but after giving my insulin lowered to somewhere in the 800s (100 is normal and most people only deviate around 20 above or below that).
I was conscious during this but I was amazingly altered and incapacitated. There was about a four of five day period where I did not really move. I was aware, but it never occurred to me to do things live roll over. I also was hallucinating pretty wildly, but it didn't occur to me to mention it for a few days. When I did the doctor said that there were so many potential reasons for it that we shouldn't worry unless it didn't go away. I think it did in that the ceiling doesn't generally bounce back and forth and turn colors anymore. Luckily I had seen things like this before so it wasn't too shocking. One thing I do remember pretty vividly was the look on people’s faces when they looked at me. As someone who loathes causing distress to the point of obsession, causing those expressions of shock and worry was not comfortable even in that state. Emily and friends and family recognized this as the serious ordeal that it was, but I was blessed with a weeks of lack of perspective before I would realize the meaning of "incompatible with life".
My blood eventually became compatible with life. When I left the hospital my levels weren’t all normal, but they would be except for one. This experience destroyed the islet cells in my pancreas leaving me permanently a type one diabetic.
It was sometime in late January when I came home. At that point I could walk, but I was weakened beyond anything I thought possible. I previously never had any reason to understand that your legs don't have to be directly injured make them just not really work. I will never forget the first time I walked around a block. Emily had to walk with me in case I wasn’t able and I barely was able - a fucking block!!
That is enough for now. Obviously this story gets way better.
At that point I had run a few marathons and my lifestyle was drastically less harmful than it had been in my 20s. The worst thing I had going was on and off bouts with cigarettes, though not ideal, a huge improvement. My health was very good except for hepatitis C. Though this was asymptomatic, I wanted it gone, so I embarked on the only know remedy of interferon and ribovirin.
This treatment has pretty horrendous side effects and only has about a 45 percent success rate for those with the genotype that I have. I was 11 weeks into the 48 week course of treatment when I was hospitalized with very serious and initially unclear complications. I had already lost a lot of weight and was generally constantly nauseous from the normal side effects, but I really couldn't begin to count the times I threw up the last few days before I went into the hospital. The only thing I had any desire to ingest was orange juice, which I would later find out was potentially the worse thing I could take in.
Initially I was admitted because of dehydration and my memory is relatively fuzzy from that point. Test revealed that I had pancreatitis and that levels in my blood where wildly off and I was moved to intensive care. My pH balance was far enough that they used the phrase "incompatible with life" a number of times to describe my general state of bodily fluids. Another thing that was discovered that my blood glucose levels were initial unmeasureable, but after giving my insulin lowered to somewhere in the 800s (100 is normal and most people only deviate around 20 above or below that).
I was conscious during this but I was amazingly altered and incapacitated. There was about a four of five day period where I did not really move. I was aware, but it never occurred to me to do things live roll over. I also was hallucinating pretty wildly, but it didn't occur to me to mention it for a few days. When I did the doctor said that there were so many potential reasons for it that we shouldn't worry unless it didn't go away. I think it did in that the ceiling doesn't generally bounce back and forth and turn colors anymore. Luckily I had seen things like this before so it wasn't too shocking. One thing I do remember pretty vividly was the look on people’s faces when they looked at me. As someone who loathes causing distress to the point of obsession, causing those expressions of shock and worry was not comfortable even in that state. Emily and friends and family recognized this as the serious ordeal that it was, but I was blessed with a weeks of lack of perspective before I would realize the meaning of "incompatible with life".
My blood eventually became compatible with life. When I left the hospital my levels weren’t all normal, but they would be except for one. This experience destroyed the islet cells in my pancreas leaving me permanently a type one diabetic.
It was sometime in late January when I came home. At that point I could walk, but I was weakened beyond anything I thought possible. I previously never had any reason to understand that your legs don't have to be directly injured make them just not really work. I will never forget the first time I walked around a block. Emily had to walk with me in case I wasn’t able and I barely was able - a fucking block!!
That is enough for now. Obviously this story gets way better.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Back from Austin
I am back from Austin where I ran my best marathon post diabetes - 3:55:27. My goal was to do it under 4 hours, so I am thrilled. I have never made a marathon time goal. I have always missed by a minute or two, so I'm happy as a clam. The best part is that I am not injured. I have never run a marathon without feeling a lot of pain for at least a few weeks. I was sore and walking funny for a few days and then woke up on Wednesday morning with nothing.
Now I need to earnestly move on to focused triathlon training and HOPEFULLY will be more motivated to continue the blog.
I promise my next entry will move back to the more juicy and entertaining mode.
One nice thing is that I rode my new Cervelo P2C for the first time outside today. All that aerodynamic carbon is amazing. I felt quick and stealthy like silent deft gazelle.
Now I need to earnestly move on to focused triathlon training and HOPEFULLY will be more motivated to continue the blog.
I promise my next entry will move back to the more juicy and entertaining mode.
One nice thing is that I rode my new Cervelo P2C for the first time outside today. All that aerodynamic carbon is amazing. I felt quick and stealthy like silent deft gazelle.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
If I Pause Just a Little the Blogs Seem to Stop
I haven't meant to not blog since Christmas, but it just happened. This a 'just type something' blog.
I have been training. In fact this is the first time in my life I feel I might have bordered on over-training. Last week was the first time I exercised in the morning and evening on the same day. I am in an odd intersection of the high point of training for a marathon and really ramping up the training for the triathlon season. I can not fully do both so I am learning to prioritize. This is another area where I have no great history of success. Thankfully I have people who tell me what they think. I don't really follow anyone blindly - not even Lance (the Captain Jack's Triathlon Club coach), but with the direction I would probably do way to little or kill myself with overexertion.
Speaking of overexertion - I am off to run 19 miles on a muddy trail. At least I have a fuck-up sense of fun, so I will like it.
Hit me again.
I have been training. In fact this is the first time in my life I feel I might have bordered on over-training. Last week was the first time I exercised in the morning and evening on the same day. I am in an odd intersection of the high point of training for a marathon and really ramping up the training for the triathlon season. I can not fully do both so I am learning to prioritize. This is another area where I have no great history of success. Thankfully I have people who tell me what they think. I don't really follow anyone blindly - not even Lance (the Captain Jack's Triathlon Club coach), but with the direction I would probably do way to little or kill myself with overexertion.
Speaking of overexertion - I am off to run 19 miles on a muddy trail. At least I have a fuck-up sense of fun, so I will like it.
Hit me again.
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